Thursday, November 20, 2008

Because you can't pick your family....

me, dad, and mom holding my sister Kelly

Today the thing I am most thankful for is centered around my extended family--my mom,dad and sister. This thing I am calling reconnecting and reconciling.

My sister divorced her husband of 13 years and ran off with a man she had met on the internet, leaving her adopted special needs son here in our state with her ex-husband, seven years ago. I have not seen, nor heard from my sister in at least 5 years and the fall out from her actions have gone deep and wide within our family. Many of these issues have not been dealt with and have basically been the proverbial elephant in the room.

There has been much pain, hurt, anger and misconceptions a plenty and now she is back in our state, living 10 minutes away from me, no less! She has been here since May and to say things have been awkward and somewhat explosive would be an understatement. But, in the last week I have begun to see a glimmer of hope that we can become a family again--one that enjoys being together not just one that is forced together for the holidays.

We all have a ways to go--we are all stubborn with a capital S. I am slowly realizing that I will probably never see eye-to-eye with my parents over several things, and yes, they have hurt my feelings deeply, but I CAN let go of this. Maybe not all at once and sometimes I may grab some of that anger/frustration back, but life really is too short for all this crud. I am also seeing quite clearly how much my parents have aged and how that is affecting them throughout all this drama.

So, I have a sister again. Our relationship may not look the way Mom wants it to look, but we have both agreed to help mom keep out of this part of the problem and let us work through it our way in our time.

Two months ago I was dreading Thanksgiving, the first holiday with Kelly back. Now? I am kind of looking forward to all being together again.

More thankful posts can be found at Rhondi's blog, Rose Colored Glasses.

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Joyful Days said...

No, you can't pick your family. Just your responses. Praying for you. That is such a very, very hard circumstance.



Stacy at Exceedingly Mundane said...

I can't imagine how difficult this must be for your whole family, but I hope, in time, there can be a lot of healing and forgiveness and understanding, on everyone's part. I will be praying for you guys :)

The Quintessential Magpie said...

Kim, I'm so sorry you have been through this ordeal. There probably aren't words enough to help, but I can offer my prayers. Here's hoping the whole situation is reconciled and that the God of healing can annoint all wounds with the healing bomb of his precious love.

I read once that love is not an emotion, but rather an act of the will. So let your actions go there first, and your heart will follow. I've had to do it, and it worked for me. Not saying it's a microwave fix, but it can happen over time. Most important of all, don't give up.



annie said...

I hope that your Thanksgiving is a new beginning. It's hard to have issues in our families. It is so great that you can see the possibilities!